


One of this days

by unwanted_one



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, One Shot, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-05-29 09:09:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15069893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unwanted_one/pseuds/unwanted_one
Summary: Reader attempting a suicide, but get helped out





	One of this days

It was one of those sleepless nights. I kept rotating in the bed, constantly feeling either too hot or too cold. It was long hard day, I was exhausted yet couldn’t get any rest. Today was total mess, I fucked up big time and couldn’t stop feeling bad about it. Desire to wrap up inside myself and just drift to the darkness was overwhelming. I just wanted to disappear for as long as possible, stop thinking about it, but stupid body couldn’t give me even that simple thing.

Eventually bed got too scratchy, too uncomfortable. I stood up and headed to the washroom. I washed face with cold water and met myself in mirror reflection. I looked disgusting, I felt disgusting. Not like I deserved anything better after screwing so many people. Why they still wanted to have me around? Probably they didn’t, but not much choice was given. Nobody ever was excited to see me, more like they had to bear with it. Thinking about it made my stomach twist. I was right. I never was necessary, never expected, never desired. Such a burden for everyone around. Exhausted gross person looked at me from reflection. It wouldn’t go anywhere no matter how unwanted it was. With anger rose in my stomach I hit myself in this gross face. Face shuttered in tiny pieces, cutting into my fist, falling to the ground and breaking into even smaller bits. It didn’t solve any problem, just got me more raging. I felt dizziness from anger trying to break through my guts, making it harder to breath. I held to the sink, closing my eyes and trying to get back hold on reality.

“Agent, do you need any assistance?”

Female mechanical voice broke into my head, making me feel even more desperate. Stupid Winston with his ridiculous invention that was spying on us day and night.

“Athena, turn off the surveillance in my room.”

My voice was weak and sore. It felt wrong to talk. My voice was gross, coming out like this. I hated myself for it. For everything I was and wasn’t.

“You can ask my assistance any time you need.”

With granted privacy I slowly opened my eyes. Room was too bright, everything was blur. Vision focused on the big piece of mirror in the sink. It was splattered with blood having a pathetic person tearing in it. It was hard to breathe, heart pounded. Without second thought I picked the glass. It was sharp cutting though my fingers. I placed both hands on it, pressing sharpest tip against my stomach. I wanted to feel no anger anymore, I wanted to be able to breath. It was a right thing to do, the only right thing I could ever do. I pressed the glass, breaking the skin and seeing a thin red stripe run downwards. I used sink for more pressure, shoving it deeper inside. Pain was relaxing. It made it easier to breath tearing bigger whole in my body. With every centimeter going inside, it was feeling lighter, better, more painful. Red strip running down got thicker. All feelings was concentrated around piece of glass in the stomach. I didn’t feel angry or sad anymore. The only remaining feeling was overwhelming pain. It was fascinating. I finally was doing something right.

Something jerked me back by the shoulder. I hit opposite wall with my back, partially returning back to reality. McCree was standing in the door, angrily looking at me. He was shouting, but I couldn’t hear the words. I weakly slid along the wall to the cold floor full of scattered glass. There was puddle of blood below the place I stood. I finally removed my hands from glass in my stomach, rising eyes on the man standing next to me. He wasn’t shouting anymore, looking at me with shock. Jesse face went pale. He slowly lowered next to me saying something. I couldn’t understand what he said, suddenly feeling too weak. My stomach burned. Something warm touched my head.

“Why?” Jesse murmured.

I looked at him fully pale, fear in his eyes. He slid his hands under me, easily lifting me up.

“What are you doing?”

I asked weakly, barely hearable.

“Saving your stupid ass.”

Jesse barked back angrily walking out with me. I was wearing pajamas consisting of old shirt and panties, but he didn’t look to care walking across empty corridor. I was angry at him. Breaking into my room like this, interrupting me, but with every step echoing in burning in my guts I felt differently. I finally was crying, burrowing my face in his warm shoulder. He made it to the med bay. There was no one as it was too late and regularly people won’t get injured at this time. Jesse gently lowered me to one of the beds.

“I’ll call Angela”

He said, voice tremble, walking out of the room. She was the last person I’d like to know about this.

“Jesse, please, don’t.”

He looked at me with surprise, but nodded with understanding. Not all the things should be brought out for everyone to know, and it definitely would be the case. He left the room without replying and I hesitated that it would stay between us. My hands and tights was burning and bleeding, but nothing compare to the pain in the stomach. I closed eyes, concentrating on the pain, accepting that I’m the one did it to myself. Steps brought me back to reality. Jesse was back with necessary tools. He definitely had knowledge and skills how to deal with it, and I was grateful for that. Jesse sat everything on the table next to the bed. He looked closely at the piece of glass poking from me.

“Dear, you’ll have to close your eyes. You just breathe deeply, don’t see what I do.”

Jesse gave instructions looking to my eyes, seeking for understanding. I closed my eyes getting my head spinning. After some clinging noises I started feeling growing pain in my stomach, making me sick. It spread around in waves, making my entire body shake. I wanted to shout, but cut myself half way reminding that it was only my fault. I felt hot hands on my wrist, almost painfully burning it though.

“Why you did it? Talk to me.”

Jesse sounded comforting, slowly moving glass out of my body.

“It was right thing to do. I was…”

I shouted from sudden pain. It was worse than anything before. Consciousness was trying to leave me.

“Shh, it’s all good.” Jesse said comforting. “It didn’t went far. I’ll just stitch you.”

I tried to reply something but my body won’t follow.

“Hey,” Light shake on my hand. “Are you with me?”

Jesse sounded panicking. It was too hard to open my eyes, to say anything. My mind was slipping away. I gathered all strength to let out weak “Yes”.

“I’ll be fast, I promise.”

He was truthful to his words. Jesse really stitched fast and almost not painfully, or at least my mind told me so. Eventually I felt burning from alcohol on wound followed with some bandage.

“All done. Look at me.” Jesse concluded his work.

With struggle I did what he asked. Jesse looked at me with smile, accepting my obedience.

“Here we go, good girl. I’ll bring you water and we continue, agree?”

I nodded in reply trying to preserve last bits of energy remaining. Jesse walked out of the room, but was shortly back with water and some pills. He helped me to sit up, allowing to drink. Cold water brought some of the senses back and I felt better. He passed me some pills to take with water.

“You have cuts and glass in your hands and legs. I’ll deal with it now. How do you feel?” Jesse narrated his further actions.

“I’m good.” I pushed out of myself.

Jesse returned me back to lay, picking my hands to see damage there. He slowly started picking pieces of glass out, disinfecting smaller cuts.

“You know after doing such things you should be in trouble. This time it stays between us, but please if you feel like doing it again talk to me first.” Jesse spoke low, voice trembling. “Any time of night or day, just contact with me. Dear, I’m here for you. I don’t force you to tell me things you don’t want to, but, please, give me a chance to help you before I have to pull out pieces of glass out of your guts.”

As he talked I felt my chest started burning, hot tears run down. I slowly started realizing what I did. I finally understood why Jesse was so freaked. I was openly sobbing by the moment he was done with bandaging my hands. He sat next to me on the bed, petting my head. I moved and laid on his legs, burrowing my face in his shirt and just crying. We sat like this for a while, Jesse just let me get it out of my system.

“Honey,” He gently touched my shoulder, “We have to get back before Angela comes if you want to keep it private.”

I lifted myself slightly. Jesse stood up to help me.

“Can you stand?”

I felt weak and dizzy, almost falling. Jesse caught me on time, helping to stand back. His shirt and hands was covered in blood but he didn’t care about it.

“Hold yourself on the bed, I check cuts on your tights.”

I obeyed, turning and placing both hands on the bed for stability. Jesse touches was warm towards stinging skin. He picked something and burning spread around.

“Just some cuts, nothing to worry about.”

He concluded, standing back up and helped me to straighten up.

“Let’s get back to your room.”

Jesse easily picked me up and we left med bay the same way he brought me in, just this time slower. I grabbed on his shirt, burrowing my face in his collar, inhaling his scent mixed with sharp iron blood smell. All world narrowed down to Jesse, his smell, his beard brushing over top of my head, his heavy breathing. I held on him like he was last anchor keeping me to this world. If he’d go, the entire world would turn blank and meaningless again. Suddenly he lowered me to my bed. It felt like walk was too long yet too short. Jesse helped me to lay comfortably, releasing his grip on me. I couldn’t let my hands go, grabbing him tight closer to myself hoping prevent losing only meaning I accidentally found.

“Don’t leave.”

I weakly whispered to his ear, pushing all my strength to grip. He sat on the bed next to me, leaning a bit forward, so my position would get a bit better.

“I’ll stay.”

Jesse didn’t understood what I needed. I picked all little bits of power I had left and tightened my grip. I brought him as close to myself as I possibly could, almost digging my nails to his back, burrowing my face deeper to his collar.

“No, don’t ever leave me, please.”

I was crying again. Desperate tears run down my face. On his reply here and now was depending all my life. Jesse rotated and laid down on bed, positioning me on top of his chest. His hand lightly brushed though my hair.

“Of course, dear. I’m not going anywhere.”

With that he grabbed blanked and pulled it over us. This move calmed me down. He actually meant it. Jesse staying here. I eased my grip and slowly drifted away calmed by man stroking through my hair.


End file.
